This season of Parks and Recreation has brought us many adorable, sexy, and romantic character relationships. Andy and April, Ann and Chris, and lastly, the most obvious one…
…Tom and DJ Roomba.
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March 28, 2011 | Categories: Awkward, Bored, Comedy, Humor, Love, Pop Culture, TV, Uncategorized | Tags: Adam Scott, Amy Poehler, Andy and April, Ann and Chris, Ann Perkins, Aubrey Plaza, Aziz Ansari, Ben and Leslie, Ben Wyatt, Benslie, camping, Chris Pratt, DJ Roomba, fan, fan fiction, ice cream, Leslie Knope, love, NBC, Parks and Rec, Parks and Recreation, Rashida Jones, Rob Lowe, romance, shipping, sitcom, sky mall, tent, Tom and DJ Roomba, Tom Haverford, Toomba, TV | 1 Comment »
I gulped so intensely I knew she could hear it. Stupid Adam’s apple.
“Hhhheh,” I croaked. That was loser for “hi”.
“Hi, Cavan,” she said. “I—”
“Shelby! What happened to your nose?” Emilio asked.
“Cavan punched her,” Andy said, French fries dropping out of his mouth.
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February 16, 2011 | Categories: Awkward, Bored, Comedy, Fiction, High School, Humor, Love, Pop Culture, Romance, Uncategorized | Tags: Aliens, Andy Summers, awkward, best friends, Cavan, class, Dear Abby, embarrassment, Facebook, fear, gay, hair, high school, I Punched a Girl, I Punched a Girl: Part VII, jokes, Just Like Heaven, Loch Ness Monster, love story, reasons why I'm gay, romance, romantic comedy, Ryan Sheckler, Shelby Waters, shit my cake says, shitmycakesays, skateboarding, TV, YouTube | Leave A Comment »
The Sexy Supernatural Boys: Jared Padalecki, who plays Sam Winchester, and Jensen Ackles, who plays Dean Winchester
Let’s be honest. Supernatural has jumped the shark.
Once upon a time, it was an awesome show. Even now, it has a few worthwhile episodes mixed in with the turdy ones. Like, a few actual Godiva truffles mixed in with those Godiva “gems” you can buy at CVS that are pretty sucky and disappointing. But do you really want to suffer through all that crappy chocolate, those assaults on your taste buds, before getting to the deliciousness? Does anyone relate to this reference, or even understand it? No? Well, that’s okay. My point is this: no. No, you do not want to suffer through crap just for the chance you’ll see something good.
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November 17, 2010 | Categories: Awkward, Bored, Comedy, Creepy, Fiction, Humor, Love, Pop Culture, TV, Uncategorized | Tags: abs, ADD, angels, attention span, Battle of the Bods, brothers, chocolate, Christmas, Christmas songs, cute, CVS, Dean, Dean Winchester, demons, episodes, erotic, finale, game, gay, gay sex, ghosts, ghouls, Godiva, handsome, Hollywood, homoerotic, hot, hot brothers, hot guys, incest, Jared Padalecki, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles kissing, Jensen Ackles, jump the shark, kiss, make out, Music, mute, ripped, Sam, Sam and Dean, Sam and Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, season, sexy, sexy men, shirtless, shirtless man, shirtless men, shirtless wet guy, shower, Silent Night, six pack, suffer, Supernatural, television, the colt, truffles, TV, wet, Wicked Little Things | 2 Comments »
I’m sick. Since I’ve been sick, I’ve been watching plenty of TV, which means plenty of commercials. So, it is with great disgust that I give you the Worst Commercials of 2010:
1. Those F*CKING OLD NAVY MANNEQUIN COMMERCIALS: I hate these commercials with a burning passion. I really hate the one where they’re suddenly naked (um, ‘scuze me, Old Navy, but aren’t you supposed to be family friendly?), but there’s one I hate even more than that mannequin nudiefest. It’s the most recent addition to the abomination ads, the faux sitcom one where the creepy, lifeless-eyed mannequins move into a house together and are greeted by their flesh-and-blood real human neighbors. There’s a laugh track. I hate laugh tracks. Except for this one. My biggest beef with this commercial lies within the total lack of reality. No, I’m not talking about how mannequins gained the ability to talk and sign a lease. We all knew it was bound to happen at some point, as Wes Craven pointed out in his scariest movie ever, Mannequin. I’m talking about how mannequins from different racial backgrounds managed to live in harmony within one house. The only way this situation is plausible is if they were on The Real World: Mannequins. As far as I know, The Real World doesn’t have a laugh track, so Old Navy has no excuse for this horrible, terrible, disgusting, appalling, atrocious, frightening, deplorable series of commercials.
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September 29, 2010 | Categories: Bored, Comedy, Humor, Pop Culture, TV, Uncategorized | Tags: 'NSYNC, 1980s, 2010, ads, America, beef, best, best commercial of 2010, Big O Tires, cheeky bastard, Cheez-It, China, clothing, commercials, craftsman, creepy, Family Guy, hoax, horror, ill, JC Chavez, Jeep, Joey Fatone, Justin Timberlake, Kim Catrall, Lance Bass, laugh, laugh track, lease, life, Lowe's, Mannequin, mannequins, Materialism, naked, Old Navy, outsource, shit my cake says, sick, Sierra, sitcom, Stewie, Supermodelquins, Swagger Wagon, television, TV, Ugh, Wes Craven, worst, worst commercials, worst commercials of 2010 | Leave A Comment »
Leprosy was a serious disease in Biblical times. Leopards are animals so fast they can hunt down your children from three continents away. Jeopardy is a crappy old game show so boring it can kill you in your sleep.
But today, I’m going to talk about something very serious: OWN.
OWN is the new Oprah Winfrey Network. You may remember my Friday the 13th post about the end of Oprah’s television series, a cause for celebration and fear.
This is worse. Oprah went from screen-hogging whore to network executive. I cannot stress enough how terrifying this is.
OWN will likely cause seven times Al Gore’s predicted effects of global warming. OWN will unleash modern Biblical plagues.* OWN will kill more children than leopards, bore you more than Jeopardy, and be even more of an epidemic than leprosy.
You’ve been warned.
*Modern Biblical plagues include abdominal swelling, nausea, fatigue, weight loss, weight gain, diarrhea, dizziness, memory loss, menstrual bleeding, anal seepage, and headaches. Contact your doctor if your depression worsens or you experience thoughts of suicide.
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September 13, 2010 | Categories: Bored, Comedy, Creepy, Disease, Drugs, Heath, Humor, Oprah, Pop Culture, TV, Uncategorized | Tags: Al Gore, bloodshed, depression, disease, fear, gain, game show, global warming, Jeopardy, network, Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, OWN, plagues, terror, terrorism, TV, weight loss | 2 Comments »
…Unless you count DayQuil.
1. I sang to my boyfriend’s cat, Shadow. I sang him a ballad entitled “Shadow” to the tune of Frère Jacques. The lyrics consisted of “Shadow, Shadow, Shadoooooooow”.
2. I performed a questionably seductive* dance with a small bottle of apple juice in the middle of Kroger.
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August 28, 2010 | Categories: Bored, Comedy, Disease, Drugs, Heath, Humor, Illness, Medicine, Sickness, TV, Uncategorized, Wellness | Tags: ABC Family, ailment, apple juice, Avril Lavigne, bed, Ben and Jerry's, blanket, boobs, bored, boyfriend, bra, Campbell's, cat, cats, Chicken, children, common cold, concert, dance, Dating in the Dark, drugs, erotic dance, farts, felines, fever, flatulence, Frere Jaques, funny, get rich quick, health, homicide, ice cream, Joey Lawrence, kids, Kroger, life, medicine, Melissa and Joey, Melissa Joan Hart, Melissa Joan Heart, money, seductive, seventh grade, shadow, sick, sickness, sleep, soup, suicide, TV, wacky, wellness | Leave A Comment »
After the final commercial break of the day, Bark was blinded by the stage lights when he stepped onto the Game Show Network stage. The synthesized theme song blared as the cameras swept over the crowd. Originally, VH1 was supposed to air America’s Next Top Billy Mays as a reality show over a period of six weeks, but when they opted to show season fifteen of Flavor of Love instead, the Game Show Network bought the rights to the program. Over a period of six days, men were tested on their Billy Mays-like qualities for a chance to win $10,000 and a contract with Church & Dwight, the makers of OxiClean.
“Bark Johnson!” the host announced through his skinny microphone.
Bark waved to the crowd holding signs saying things like, “Kaboom the Competition, Bark!” He had to remember to respond to the name Bark since it wasn’t his real name. Born Jaime Trevinelli, the producers said his name wasn’t butch enough, and they renamed him Bark Johnson. When he protested, they reminded him how lucky he was he looked white enough to even be considered for a spot in the show, because they knew America wasn’t going to replace Billy Mays with an Italian man.
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August 15, 2010 | Categories: Comedy, Pop Culture, TV, Uncategorized | Tags: ads, America, America's Next Top, bark, Billy Mays, Church and Dwight, cleaning, commercials, competition, coupons, fiction, infomercial, Johnson, mighty putty, Orange Glo, OxiClean, reality show, sander, short story, spokesperson, supplies, television, TV, USA | Leave A Comment »
7. The Plethora of Made-For-TV “ABC Family Original” Movies: Weighed against such gems as Revenge of the Bridesmaids, Pizza My Heart, and Karate Dog, Lindsay Lohan’s Labor Pains could actually be considered a good film. Except not.
6. The Secret Life of the American Teenager: Their lives are so secret that everyone knows everyone else’s secrets. Barely attractive, terrifyingly horrendous actors pretend to sleep around. Everyone is pregnant, including that one guy who looks oh so much like a girl. In fact, most of the stars look like they used to be the opposite gender of what they are allegedly now. I vote a title change to “The Secret Life of the American Tranny”.
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August 5, 2010 | Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: ABC Family, bad, cialis, Huge, Lindsay Lohan, list, Pat Robertson, PLL, Pretty Little Liars, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, seven, The 700 Club, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, top, TV, viagra | 2 Comments »
From left to right: Pam, Jessica, Jaqueline, Gia, Amber, Courtnee, Leanne, Erica, Chrissy
Hi, I’m Sara, and I’m a VH1 reality show addict.
My latest shameful addiction is/was You’re Cut Off, the show where actresses desperate for a big break—I mean, girls who can’t control their spending—are “fooled” into living in a middle class house with boring/ugly décor and be all normal and stuff.
The Cast:
Erica: A Barbie who somehow came to life and escaped the Mattel factory despite her enormous breasts weighing her down. People think she’s dumb, but they don’t know the whole story. She acts like an airhead to avoid revealing top secret Mattel information and being hunted down by zombie Ruth Handler’s army, the Masters of the Universe.
Gia: A hookah junkie who won’t change her own daughter’s diapers. Her clothes are allegedly expensive, but it looks like she grabbed them out of the $3 bin at L’Patricia.
Jaqueline: Likeable, but a little ugly, so she’ll never really make it in the music industry, which she obviously went on the show for. Her voice isn’t good enough to make her some kind of Susan Boyle, either. Sorry, Jackie. Maybe you should try becoming a professional Bikini Blast workout trainer, even though your patented Bikini Blast workout, which must be done in stilettos, is only 20% likely to get you in shape as opposed to the whopping 80% chance of spraining your ankle.
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August 4, 2010 | Categories: Pop Culture, TV, Uncategorized | Tags: acresses, bad, brats, life, reality show, riches, spoiled, The Bachelor, TV, VH1, work, You're Cut Off | Leave A Comment »
The Sexy Supernatural Boys: Jared Padalecki, who plays Sam Winchester, and Jensen Ackles, who plays Dean Winchester
