I turn 100 today, sort of. This is my one hundredth post. Numero uno cero cero. Cien. Hundra. Een honderd. 百. In my old age I’ve gained much wisdom about the internet and blogging. Mostly the internet, though, and truthfully, next to nothing about blogging… or the internet. I know nothing. But that’s never stopped me from pretending I know what I’m talking about.
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May 10, 2012 | Categories: Humor, Internet | Tags: 100, Belieber, Bieber, blogging, boobs, bullying, crocs, cult, gay, George Lucas, Google, kids, lesbian, list, McDonald's, North Korea, porn, post, PTA, search, Snuggie, Supernatural, tags, traffic, twitter | Leave A Comment »
In the spirit of the popular twitter feed whose name I ripped off of when creating my blog, I thought I’d provide you with some phrases from my very own dear ol’ dad. Here’s a small dictionary of his phrases:
“German Abortion”: One’s wife’s dying Mercedes convertible.
“The Slime That Slime Would Spit On”: An asshole who drives recklessly or cuts one off in rush hour traffic.
Used in a sentence: “You’re slime! No, you’re the slime that slime would spit on!”
“D-E-D Dead”: The traditional meaning of the word “dead”, but spelled aloud incorrectly.
“Retard School”: An imaginary school where stupid people go and are treated like those with intellectual disabilities. In this school, the students are required to wear helmets at all times.
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September 19, 2010 | Categories: Bored, Comedy, Disease, Health, Humor, Illness, Medicine, Parenting, Uncategorized, Wellness | Tags: abortion, automobile, balls, blog, body, cancer, car, convertible, cut, daughter, dead, death, dictionary, endearment, fast, father, feet, figure, german, idiot, Kenya, Kenyan, mercedes, phrases, retardation, runner, running, school, shit, shit my dad says, slime, spit, term, traffic, twitter | 1 Comment »
You know how naggy moms tell you to be home by midnight, because nothing good happens after 12:00 a.m.? Well, I disagree with that entirely.
Plenty of great things happen after 12. Sex, drugs, alcohol, late-night burritos and burgers– All these things are very healthy. What you really need to watch out for is what goes on past 7 a.m. No good happens between the hours of 7:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. Here’s why:
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August 31, 2010 | Categories: Bored, Comedy, Heath, Humor, Parenting, Pop Culture, Time, Uncategorized, Wellness | Tags: 12, 7, bus, buses, car, children, coffee, death, donuts, driving, elderly, good, groggy, health, kids, midnight, mom, morning, night, noon, old, people, rush hour, school, sleep, sleeping in, time, traffic, Twilight, vampires, wake | 1 Comment »
