WTF Search Terms, 3rd Edition
The time has come to once again list my favorite search terms people have used to find my blog (read the first and second editions for context, if you’d like). Here they are, in all their screwed-up glory:
Rebecca Black Friday Flakes: I’m assuming this person was hoping to find Rebecca Black-inspired cereal and not dandruff. If cereal’s the case (please let it be the case), they’re in luck because I just invented some.
For the mom who wants her children to fail at life. Part of a mentally unbalanced breakfast.
On this note, if you’d like to test your endurance for Friday Flakes, click here and see if you can make it to the 10 minute mark like a winner (yes, that is a challenge). I only made it 10 seconds.
Chicken Penis: Before you get all judgmental, ask yourself, do you know what a chicken penis looks like? I don’t. Most people don’t, because the rooster penis is internal, which I definitely did not learn by Googling “chicken penis” a moment ago.
Concert Review: GvsB II
You should watch this (in HD) because I made it and it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Late recap list version of Gorilla vs Bear II is go:
1. It was awesome.
2. Glass Candy is great live, even if Ida No shrieks like a toddler that dropped their ice cream, or whatever toddlers are eating these days. Cheerios? Gummy bears? Absinthe? I don’t know.
I Dream of Weenie
Asian child, I will eat you. Don’t think I won’t do it.
I recently got a job at a fast food restaurant because I forgot why I went to college. The place where I work serves hot dogs, and not just any hot dogs. Delicious hot dogs (see: Figure 4). I’ve never been a huge hot dog fan (unless “hot dog” is a euphemism), but being around them constantly is making me crave them. Need them. (more…)
I’d Like to Have a Covert Affair with Christopher Gorham
The latest season of Covert Affairs recently came to a close, much to my dismay—not only because I enjoy the show, but because I highly enjoy Christopher Gorham. Aside from that weird slow-mo part toward the end and the microphone sneaking into a couple shots (watch the hospital scene closely, you’ll see it), I thought the season finale was very well-directed, even if the writing was a little lacking. My main complaint, though, was the lack of Auggie’s screen time. I firmly believe that the character of Auggie is 25% of the show’s appeal. Another 25% goes to the show’s general plot, and the remaining 50% goes to Christopher Gorham’s beauty.
Battle of the Bods: Sam and Dean Winchester
The Sexy Supernatural Boys: Jared Padalecki, who plays Sam Winchester, and Jensen Ackles, who plays Dean Winchester
Let’s be honest. Supernatural has jumped the shark.
Once upon a time, it was an awesome show. Even now, it has a few worthwhile episodes mixed in with the turdy ones. Like, a few actual Godiva truffles mixed in with those Godiva “gems” you can buy at CVS that are pretty sucky and disappointing. But do you really want to suffer through all that crappy chocolate, those assaults on your taste buds, before getting to the deliciousness? Does anyone relate to this reference, or even understand it? No? Well, that’s okay. My point is this: no. No, you do not want to suffer through crap just for the chance you’ll see something good.
Most Disturbing “Sexy” Halloween Costume Concepts
Look, while I don’t participate in the trend, I know many girls use Halloween as an excuse to look like a cheap hooker. I’m okay with costumes like “Officer Naughty” and “Voluptuous Vampiress”. What bothers me are slutty costumes based on innocent childhood characters. C’mon, people. Let’s make Halloween more about cheap chainsaw chills and less about child molestation.
Girl Scout Troop Leader: ‘Scuse me, but when did “girl” suddenly mean “fully-developed woman with giant cans”? Girl scouts don’t wear platform pumps and a garter. Guys, I understand the appeal of a tight-fitting little ditty gracing your gal, but let’s move away from having her dressed as a tiny child selling cookies.
