Zit Zapping
Why do we have to continue to suffer with acne, even when we’re out of high school? I have a monstrous red bump on my chin that will not go away, no matter how hard I try to get rid of it.
At 0300 hours, I launched Toothpaste Warfare on the enemy force occupying my chin. After sleeping on it, I found that the toothpaste mission had failed. There were no survivors. Except the pimple. Which I didn’t want to survive. Okay. I think I’ve made my point.
I then turned to commercialism to solve my blemish woes. I watched a couple of commercials to see which act of false advertising impressed me the most. All I got out of it were these two messages:
Proactiv: “Oh em gee, I’m a celebrity! I have a teeny tiny pimple on my face but it’s sooooo bothersome! So I use Proactiv to get rid of it! Exclamation point!”
Neutrogena: Appears to be only for teen girls. I’m no longer a teen, and I’m a tad too old to be part of the High School Musical generation, so I wasn’t really feeling the airbrushed-Vanessa Hudgens thing. Vanessa Hudgens does nothing more than make me want to move to a secluded cave and forget modern pop culture. She can’t sell me acne face goop.
Both commercials use celebrities to help pitch their products. Neither convinced me to buy their products.
Back to World War Toothpaste, then.
Sex, Drugs, and Really Awkward Conversations
I feel bad for these guys’ kids.
One time, I was carrying a little overnight bag of mine that I’d accidentally left unzipped. My toothbrush holder, which looks like this, fell out and landed in front of my mom. “Ohhhh, I know what that is…” she said. I was very confused until it dawned on me that my mom thought my toothbrush holder was a dildo. I don’t profess to be a connoisseur of dildos, but c’mon, really? Toothbrush holders are being mistaken for masturbation tools?
Ewww.
