I know. This is something we’re not supposed to admit. I say “we” because you do it too.
Cyber stalking. Cyberstalking. Is it one word or two? I’m going with one from here on out because… um… regardless:
Cyberstalking: America’s pastime (like it was ever really baseball anyway).
I used to think the biggest consequence of cyberstalking was being thought of as weird or creepy, or, more rarely, having the person you’re cyberstalking catch you in the act and having them ask, “Why is my name in your Google search bar?” and you’re like, “Uhhhhh I was just testing my search engine to make sure it worked” and they’re like, “I don’t believe you” and you’re like, “Well you shouldn’t be looking at my computer screen anyway” and they’re like, “That’s my computer and this is my house and how the hell did you get in here?!”
Ahem. Anyway, since I openly admit I am both weird and creepy, the stigma of cyberstalking someone (usually someone I’m attracted to) rarely keeps me from doing it. Not anymore though. Never again.
Or maybe always again.
That probably doesn’t make sense to you. Allow me to explain: (more…)
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July 22, 2012 | Categories: Bored, Comedy, Death, Humor, Internet, Love, Uncategorized, WTF | Tags: life, online, goth, creepy, funny, crush, weird, scary, boy, personality, crazy, Facebook, lesson, cyber, stalking, cyberstalking, profile, creep, creeping, creeper, attraction, cross dress, Lars von Trier, insane, peek, identity, split, lie, persona, guy | 4 Comments »
If you haven’t heard about the Gummy Bear Dress, allow me to fill you in. Someone made a dress out of 50,000 gummy bears that weighs 220 lbs because they were so inspired by the awesome Alexander McQueen dress pictured below that they just had to plagiarize recreate it in gelatin-based candies.
It made me realize that I’ve missed several golden opportunities to make my own interpretations of beautiful things out of random crap. If only the bed I made out of graham cracker crumbs hadn’t been carried away by the ants. The ants. So many ants… so many… there wasn’t time…
Oh well. The good news is, there’s no shortage of artistic people with a few screws loose who get struck by inspiration the way I got struck by a shopping cart in a Kroger parking lot because I tried to steal an old lady’s newly bought denture cleaner so I could see what it tasted like for no reason. People get inspired all the time, and they put the products of their inspirations online:
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July 8, 2012 | Categories: Fashion, Humor, Internet, Uncategorized, WTF | Tags: Alexander McQueen, art, artistic, back boobs, banana, bed, bored, bra, car, Catholic, clothing, comedy, condom, crazy, creation, creative, dentures, design, dinosaur, dress, entertainment, face, fashion, Friday the 13th, girls, gummi bear, hat, head, home, hot dog, inspiration, interior, interpretation, invention, Japanese, Jason Voorhees, jeans, lampshade, list, objects, plagiarism, redneck, shoes, slut, straws, sweet genius, thong, toilet paper, toilet seat, trash, umbrella, unique, unusual, useless, weird | 1 Comment »
This year, I cannot celebrate Valentine’s Day and must instead celebrate Singles Awareness Day. You see, I recently got dumped. It was for the best, though, because my ex was practically verbally abusive. He’d say unnecessarily hurtful things, like, “I don’t think you should carry that gun on school property” and “I find it somewhat strange that you’ll only sleep on mattresses stuffed with human hair” and “I think your collection of disembodied doll heads is a little creepy”. I mean, dragging my doll heads into his personal problems? What a freak.
Anyway, because I’m single now, I’ve made a list of fun things single people can do on Singles Awareness Day (SAD):
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February 13, 2011 | Categories: Awkward, Bored, Comedy, Holidays, Humor, Internet, Pop Culture, Uncategorized, WTF | Tags: book, gun, cats, funny, mom, school, romance, Blockbuster, men, church, Taco Bell, wet, friends, comedy, teens, crazy, single, couples, ex, SAD, Singles Awareness Day, Valentine's Day, Feb 14, February 14, four wheelers, potatoes, homemade, mashed potatoes, parking lot, Thanksgiving, family friendly, speeding, Run Over Potatoes with a Four-Wheeler in a Church Parking Lot, Go Taco Bell Surfing, surfing, X games, nonmeat, meat filler, tacos, small children, celebrate, celebration, Tie Garden Gnomes on Local Stray Cats’ Backs, stray cats, gnomes, garden gnomes, army, town, Read a Where’s Waldo Book While Steering a Canoe in a Public Swimming Pool, Where's Waldo, swimming, canoeing, canoe, swim, public swimming pool, pool, bikini, hairy, overweight, preschooler, cold weather, canoeing in cold weather, Whip Prospective Mates’ Butts with a Wet Towel, towel, mate, locker room, wet towel, mall, social, socialize, dating, butts, Walk Alone in a Bad Neighborhood, walking along at night, walking through a bad neighborhood, $13000 watch, expensive clothes, poor people, amusement, fun, neighborhood, Home Depot, red paint, paint, paint the town red, pigeons, pigeon poop, paint trees, rat poison, feces, death in seven days, Send Your Ex Supportive Facebook Messages, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, Facebook, Facebook profile, watch you sleep, gf, bf, Seven Pounds, Have a Romantic Comedy Movie Marathon, romantic movies, romantic comedies, depressing movies, Breaking the Waves, Million Dollar Baby, Dancer in the Dark, Hotel Rwanda, Sophie’s Choice, The Fly, Hit Up a Nightclub, night club, dancing, condom, casual sex, strangers, horny, getting laid on Valentine's Day, fun things to do, mattresses with human hair, getting dumped, break up, freak, doll head collection, doll collection, personal problems | Leave A Comment »
Yahoo! Answers is a breeding ground for teenagers, the desperate, trolls, and troll dolls, so naturally, I hang out there sometimes. I’ve compiled a list of the weirdest questions I’ve come across in that weird, weird place in cyberspace.
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February 6, 2011 | Categories: Awkward, Bored, Comedy, Creepy, Drugs, Humor, Internet, Uncategorized, WTF | Tags: Alabama, answers, ants, attraction to cats, aunt, Axe body spray, back, balls of steel, bendy straw, black ants, blow up doll, boyfriend, boys, brother, butt itches, butter, can you eat ants, cannibalism, cats, chocolate, cigarettes, clubbing, cocaine, coffee, condoms, cousin sex, crazy, crazy girls, crazy people, creepy, crush, dare, dental floss, distilled water, do you like waffles, do you think I'm pretty, drugs, drunk, energy drink, exams, exercise, fire ants, first cousin, first trimester, gatorade, girlfriend, girls, gym, high, high school, high school sex, hot tub, hours, incest, inch, Internet, male enhancement, mayonnaise, meat, mom, mom sex, nervous game, Oedipus complex, old, penis, penis enhancement, penis enlargement, permission, pervert, police, poop, poop stuck, poop stuck in butt, pregnancy, Prince Charles, rectal itching, red bull, relationships, Rock star, rockstar, rooster, second cousin, sex in school, shoulders, singles and dating, sister, studying, substance abuse, suicide threat, teenagers, teens, trash, trolls, waffles, WHO WAS PHONE, why are girls so into me, why can't I grow wings, wings, working out, Yahoo Answers | Leave A Comment »
