I Dream of Weenie

Asian child, I will eat you. Don’t think I won’t do it.

I recently got a job at a fast food restaurant because I forgot why I went to college. The place where I work serves hot dogs, and not just any hot dogs. Delicious hot dogs (see: Figure 4). I’ve never been a huge hot dog fan (unless “hot dog” is a euphemism), but being around them constantly is making me crave them. Need them.

I’ve become obsessed with these tubes of animal intestines, but I can’t eat them because if I ate a hot dog every day, I’d look like this fat shutterstock woman, weeping at the sight of a salad:

 I’m sad because there’s a logo on my face! Also salad tastes bad!

Thus, to satiate my hot dog lust, I started clandestinely looking at pictures of hot dogs on the internet, which is both weird and creepy, though not as creepy as this hot dog statue inexplicably standing alone in the woods:

Why is he licking his lips while squeezing ketchup on himself? Shouldn’t he be squeezing it on a little boy or something?

Despite being utterly turned off from eating in general after seeing what I assume is a mentally retarded hot dog serial killer, I continued Googling hot dogs until I found THIS LIST. I urge you to read it, for it features some of the most appetizing and appalling hot dogs I’ve ever seen.

So this entire entry was basically just a roundabout means of linking to a list of weird hot dogs. You’re welcome, America (and Canada and Japan and Argentina and other countries that for some reason occasionally venture over here).

Fig. 4: A delicious hot dog

No, I don’t have a reason why a picture relevant only to the first paragraph of this post is at the bottom of the page. DEAL WITH IT.