Farm Couture

Often times, I’ve found myself flipping through the pages of fashion magazines only to be supremely confused, mostly by the farms. The farms, the farms! Why do so many photo shoots happen on farms? Farmers don’t wear ball gowns when they milk their cows. They wear, like, unfashionable stuff. Like overalls (sorry for making you picture overalls… you can go throw up now). This phenomenon has been going on for years and it has never made sense. Not that fashion makes any sense, really, except for making some of us feel bad and some of us feel amazing. But no one feels amazing in Valentino if they’re loading hay bales into the back of a rusty pick-up, so why are farms a staple of high fashion advertising?

I think this is from America’s Next Top Attention Whore Model. I’m not even gonna ask what’s up with the black thing she’s eating. All that matters is that a model is actually eating… while jumping up and down on what looks like a road paved with cow poo.

Whenever I feed my livestock, I like to do it with a pearl noose around my face. It keeps things interesting.

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

The precursor to the aforementioned picture. I suppose this is less “farm” and more “general landscape”, but the dude is falling off a boulder onto another boulder, so I think the point that it’s stupid still stands.

Here’s the obligatory senior picture on a farm, or rather, a set that looks like a farm. You know this girl has never ridden a horse, but she’s on the saddle because it’s so stylish.

You know you’re thinking it. Asian on a farm.

It’s a good thing you ladies wore your best heels to do manual labor and trudge through hay and dung, because what a hot farmer man appreciates more than anything is a silver snakeskin pump. Well, that and a good tractor.

“You guys, last night I got so wasted that I passed out in this trough in the middle of nowhere. Then this horse came up and started trying to eat me, but we communicated telepathically and it looked right into my soul, right into my goddamn soul.”

Lady, just because you can fit into the dress you wore to your 1986 homecoming dance doesn’t mean you should wear it. Not on a farm, not anywhere. Now put that away. Your vagina is scaring the chickens.

Speaking of vaginas, looks like she’s ready for a roll in the hay. Literally.

Amish Couture?!