Battle of the Bods: Sam and Dean Winchester

The Sexy Supernatural Boys: Jared Padalecki, who plays Sam Winchester, and Jensen Ackles, who plays Dean Winchester

Let’s be honest. Supernatural has jumped the shark.

Once upon a time, it was an awesome show. Even now, it has a few worthwhile episodes mixed in with the turdy ones. Like, a few actual Godiva truffles mixed in with those Godiva “gems” you can buy at CVS that are pretty sucky and disappointing. But do you really want to suffer through all that crappy chocolate, those assaults on your taste buds, before getting to the deliciousness? Does anyone relate to this reference, or even understand it? No? Well, that’s okay. My point is this: no. No, you do not want to suffer through crap just for the chance you’ll see something good.

It’s up to you. Do you deal with the total hit-or-miss nature of the last couple seasons of Supernatural, which have been a lot more miss than hit, hoping you’ll find a hit amongst all those misses of episodes? Some of us (namely me) have short attention spans and don’t want to do this, but we also don’t want to miss those rare great pieces of television. Well, now you can have your cake and eat it too with a game I call “Mute.”

“Mute” is very complex and complicated and compounded and c… stuff. It involves watching Supernatural while—get this—hitting the mute button on the TV remote.

If you see something interesting, turn the sound back on. If the dialogue is boring, then just hit mute again and enjoy the silent close-ups of Sam and Dean, because their faces are the reason you started watching Supernatural in the first place.

Or maybe it was for the shirtless scenes. Please, boys, feel free to never put on shirts again.

For added enjoyment, turn on your favorite iPod playlist and create your own Supernatural soundtrack. The holidays are just around the corner, so why not try a little Christmas music? Nothing goes better with images of two hot dudes beating the shit out of ghosts and ghouls than “Silent Night.”

Silent night, holy night, alllll is calm, alllll is about to be blown to smithereens…

The best part about “Mute” is that without all that pesky dialogue, you can fantasize about study the homoerotic subtext of Supernatural.

Kiss him. Kiss him NOW.

Now that we’re all hopefully on the same page of picturing Sam and Dean in a disturbingly incestuous but nonetheless erotic homosexual relationship, it’s time to see which demon-battling brother is sexier in the first ever Shit My Cake Says Battle of the Bods!

And the winner is… *gasp* it’s a tie! Because trying deciding which one of these gorgeous guys is hotter is so impossible, it’s a sin.

I leave you with this:

I command you to make out!… please?