Fatty Liar Caroline

I began a random game of Words With Friends under the guise that all the words must be encompassed in a short story, in the order they were played. My opponent was named “To good 4 u pplz”, which is interesting since I beat her by 80 points (144 to 64, before she resigned) and her name is both obnoxious and grammatically incorrect. Mid-game, she changed her name to “GucciGirlie”, which isn’t much better, but it’s still a clear sign that whoever she is, she’s easy to beat. So start a game with her and feel good about yourself! Yay!

All the words used in the game are in bold.

Caroline the Fatty

Caroline was a fatty. She was so fat that whenever she took a step, she put a hole in the floor, even steel floors. She was also a liar, since she told everyone she only weighed 120 lbs, when she clearly weighed at least 280.

One day, Caroline decided to discover religion. She visited a few wats*, which were oddly located in Oklahoma, and asked Buddha to help her lose weight. She stomped through the floorboards of one particular wat and knelt at the feet of a bronze Buddha statue.

“Let’s make a deal, Buddha,” she said. “You make me thin, and I’ll sell all my fat to charity.”

Clearly, she didn’t understand Buddhism, or really anything, for that matter.

Several days passed and Caroline was still obese as ever. Feeling low, she decided to lower herself into a tub of Catholic holy water to speed up the Buddhism weight loss process. Feeling revived, she brought a panier** of itty-bitty flowers to the wat she had visited and laid them at Buddha’s feet.

“Here, Buddha,” she said as she drank an iced mocha, “Take these flowers and make me skinny. Deem me worthy of weight loss success!”

She took a big gulp of her iced mocha, choked, and passed out. When she awoke, she was still fat.

The End.

PS: You can’t actually sell fat to charity. Don’t try.

*Buddhist temples or monasteries in Thailand or Cambodia
**A large basket for carrying goods, provisions, etc.