Who woulda thought that the “forever” in Forever 21 was actually an acronym? Below, you can find the top secret meaning of the store’s title that the clerks don’t want you to know. For your convenience, I’ve attached links to the website in case you want to buy a present for that special shithead in your life.
- F stands for Fugly, as evidenced by this sweatshirt showcasing the retired Walmart smilie wearing a geezerish bowtie. His eyes have changed into hearts over time due to him relentlessly staring at little boys.
- O stands for Overseas. While I appreciate the fact that Forever 21 is desperately trying to be Takeshita Dori– and in Japan, Minnie Mouse is totally badass– in America, Minnie Mouse gear should be reserved for girls age 10 and under. If you are in your teen years or older and wear this, I will personally see to it that I punch you in the face.
- R is for Redneck. Here is a picture of my lovely, curly boyfriend posing with jean overall shorts. JEAN OVERALL SHORTS. If you do not live on a farm, there is no excuse for you to own or ever wear these. Ever. Under any circumstances. Not even Halloween. Ok, maybe Halloween, because Halloween is all about being scary. But no other time!
- E is for Ego, as in, if you have to validate yourself through a pre-ripped t-shirt* that says “Hot Chic”, you don’t have any.
- V is for Very confusing. The text on this Forever 21 wall-painting reads “travel frequently. work as little as possible. live in a big city. fly coach order. champagne. did you know butterflies taste with their feet?” Aside from the horrendous grammar, I have 2 problems with this: 1) Forever 21 is a store that aims for a teenage demographic, no matter how many 35-year-old moms you see pushing strollers around in the store trying to prove something. Promoting underage alcohol consumption is hardly what I’d call responsible marketing, but that’s not the real issue I have with it. My main beef is that they’re instructing teenage girls to raise their champagne flutes to working very little and flying coach. Those are hardly things to toast to. 2) The convoluted, cryptically capitalization-absent wall message randomly ends with a “fun fact” about butterflies tasting with their feet. It has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the paragraph. They could have incorporated butterflies by writing something corny like “be as beautiful as a butterfly”, but instead they chose to say something about butterflies tasting with their feet, which is actually sort of disgusting if you think about it.
- E is for Eye exam. Ladies, I know we go through some odd shirt designs to try and get our men to notice our boobs, but the truth is, they notice anyway. In fact, our boobs are probably the reasons they asked us out in the first place. So, no need to make your boyfriend notice your rack by means of a t-shirt eye exam (unless you’re trying to punish him somehow).
- R stands for Really?! I kid you not, Forever 21 is selling man purses. I am thankful I have a boyfriend who is secure enough in his masculinity to model one.
- 21 doesn’t stand for anything, I just wanted to make fun of this shirt because it’s ugly. I have the sneaking suspicion my boyfriend isn’t wearing it correctly, but I’ve also heard shirts are the hats of the future.
*I couldn’t find a link to this shirt. I guess it’s so ugly Forever 21 won’t even put it on its website.